When You Break A TV: Night 4
by Ogreatrandom
Summary: Maggie breaks her tv set and is cursed to spend seven nights trapped in seven different movies. You don't have to read the first three nights to understand this. Complete!
1. Welcome To Mulan!

_**Author's Note:**_

_Thanks for deciding to read this odd little story. If you haven't read the first three nights, (Princess Bride, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Troy), you don't have to in order to understand the story. Basically our main character Maggie broke her television set and was cursed with seven nights of dreams where she's trapped in her favorite movies, (think of the seven years of bad luck you get for breaking a mirror). During the dream Maggie won't realize that it's a dream, though she'll remember it all once she wakes up. Also if she dies in the dream she dies in real life, (which is basically a loophole I added in case I get bored of writing this)._

_And a huge thank you to the people who have read any of the first three stories, I'm so glad you decided to come back for Night #4! And also I'm sorry, I know I was planning on posting this last month but it took me longer then I thought to write._

_One last thing, Philo Farnsworth is one of the people credited for the invention of the television according to some book my dad has. Apparently there is controversy but the only reason I picked Philo Farnsworth as the person to torture Maggie would be because I think his name is fun._

**Previously:**

I didn't have to wait long. Soon I was drifting off to sleep. At first I didn't even know that I had fallen asleep. Then I got a clue.

Philo Farnsworth was standing there in front of me.

"Don't you ever take a night off?" I asked.

"Never," he replied cheerfully, "I love my job." There were a few minutes of silence as I tried to wake myself up and he watched, clearly amused. "You can't wake up until the movie is over." I sighed loudly.

"Well what movie is it then?"

"Your movie tonight," he told me, "is Mulan. You'll be working as a weapon repairs person traveling with the army."

"What?!?" I stared at him in shock. "I haven't even seen that movie in years! How can I be going there? Wait isn't that a cartoon?" The man shrugged.

"Hey it's one of **your** favorite movies."

"Isn't that a cartoon?!?" I repeated desperately.

"Yes it is," Philo Farnsworth said seriously.

"But won't I stand out if I'm the only three dimensional person?"

Philo Farnsworth didn't say anything. All he did was smile. Somehow this smile sent a chill down my spine and I just knew what was going to happen. I looked down at my hands and saw that sure enough they had become illustrated and flat.

"Shit!"

**Chapter #1:**

When I reached the camp I was dismayed to realize that I was the only woman there. I could tell without even seeing the other people because of the smell. Indeed, of all the people to be around these soldiers were the most foul and unhygienic that could be found. I expected the Huns, tracking their enemy's scent like dogs, to attack us at any moment.

A thin man who was dressed quite impressively in blue robes stopped me as I wandered through the camp. Oddly enough he smelled just fine, as if he had actually touched soap to his body. His voice was rather shrill and reedy for a man's.

"And just what do you think you are doing here?" He asked giving me an evil look. I pulled out the scroll that a messenger from the emperor had delivered to my family's house.

"The emperor commanded that one member of our family join the army in order to maintain and repair the army's weapons," I explained.

"And they sent **you**," the thin man asked the 'a worthless woman' part unsaid and yet clearly implied.

"I'm afraid I sent me," I replied coldly, "as I'm the only member of my family left."

"But we need someone to look after the weapons," he sounded a little hysterical so I pulled a piece of equipment out of my bag holding it under his nose.

"And you've got someone," I said meaning to calm him down. Instead he turned red and narrowed his eyes, furious.

"This is war and no one will appreciate your jokes! I intend to see to it-" but he was boring me and I really needed to get set up.

"I'm sure I'll see you around the camp and then we can continue this lovely little chat," I called as I jogged off, trying to get as far away from the thin man as I could. On the way a young looking man who was walking in the oddest way passed me. It was almost as if he had rocks down his pants and he pumped his arms like a demented windmill. I stifled a laugh, men were certainly strange.

I stopped and asked a soldier where the General was so that I could ask him where I was to set up. The man gave me a curious look but luckily made no remarks. He merely pointed towards a large tent with the flag of China swaying over it.

I knew the General as soon as I saw him. He was dignified and noble. He looked like a soldier even though his hair was starting to grey.

"Can I help you?" He asked uncertainly though to his credit not rudely. I didn't try to explain. I simply handed him the scroll from the Emperor and let him read it. When he finished he smiled. "Welcome to camp," he said cheerfully, "you'll have plenty of work. Soldiers have already begun breaking their weapons." I sighed with relief, he wasn't going to make a big deal that I wasn't a man.

"Where would you like me to set up?" I asked. "I'd like to get started at once." He told me and I started off to find the tent. I saw the thin man walking towards me and I ducked behind a tent to avoid him and almost tripped over a chicken that was running away from a mob of fighting men. A brawl had broken out.

I stopped in my tracks and stared. These men were really laying into each other. I almost believed that they were fighting the Huns, not each other. I stepped aside as a man was thrown right to where I had been standing. I wanted to stay and watch but I needed to set up things so I left.

All day long I had a stream of men coming through. Many of them were muttering under their breaths about never eating rice again. Most of them had bruises or black eyes from the brawl.

I was just beginning to get hungry for dinner when the young man who I had noticed walking through the camp so oddly came in. He stopped short, startled to see me but recovered quickly.

"Is this where I can get my sword sharpened?" he asked. "Because uhh as a man I need to have my sword ready to, well you know, kill people. Or even chop wood, or maybe to cut-" He was beginning to ramble so I cut him off.

"Give me your sword and I'll have it ready to go in a second." He handed it over slowly. I could tell that he had been involved in the brawl. "What's your name?" I asked as I began to work on his sword.

"It's Ping," he answered after a second of hesitation.

"I guess you've never been trained in an army before?"

"Why would you say that?" He asked looking nervous.

"You had trouble lifting your sword," I pointed out dryly. I could have sworn I heard a voice exclaim, _Okay that we have to fix right away_, but before I could ask Ping if he'd heard it the man seemed to rub the back of his head.

"My arms are just tired from doing… pushups." He was lying but if he didn't want to be known as a newcomer to the world of war I wasn't going to make fun of him. It wasn't as if I'd ever been involved in a war, or stormed castles, before. But at least I wouldn't have to fight, all I had to do was fix the weapons.

Right?

He left leaving me free to get dinner. It was dark when I returned. I was about to get ready for bed when the tent flap opened and a man strode in. He wore a sweeping red cloak and had a weary expression on his face.

"I am Captain Shang," he told me, "I wanted to introduce myself and ask you to sharpen my sword." He handed it over reverently.

"That's a popular request today," I commented as I took the sword and got to work on it. I looked it over. "This is a new sword," I observed and he nodded with a proud grin.

"I was just recently promoted to Captain," he admitted, "this is my first assignment."

"Good luck Captain," I said, "and congratulations." Privately I thought that he would need all the luck in China, these soldiers he was supposed to train were the greenest fighting group I'd ever seen.

_**Author's Note Again:**_

_Sorry to be interrupting again but I just wanted to say that I know it's unrealistic for a woman to be a weapon fixing person and to be accepted as it but I needed to work Maggie in somehow and I felt that having her pretend to be a man would be sort of stepping on Mulan's part. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it._


	2. Songs and Time Travel

_**Author's Note:**_

_Happy Thanksgiving! I'm so glad that people enjoyed the first chapter! Thank you to my reviewers Amester, orig, and Nausicaa of the Spirits. You guys are the best! Anyway here's the next chapter, hope you all like it. It was sort of hard to write with the song but it's my favorite so I couldn't skip it. Hope you all like it!_

_**Disclaimer:**_

_I do not own Mulan or Disney, just in case that was unclear at some point…_

**Chapter #2:**

It didn't take me long the next day to get bored. In fact it took less then two minutes after I finished eating. There was nothing left for me to fix so I decided to wander over to where Captain Shang was beginning the training. When I got there the men were all laughing and carrying on. The last thing they looked like was an army.

"Looks like our new friend slept in this morning," one of the men said to the others as Ping came over. Ping nervously stood in between two of the men. "Hello Ping," he said with a huge phony smile, "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah," the man on Ping's other side said with a smirk, "cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich." He went to punch Ping and the other men cheered.

"Hmm," I said thoughtfully, scratching my chin, "conflict."

"Soldiers!" A voice cut across the field sharply. I recognized it as the Captain. The soldiers stood into a straight line, pretending to be orderly. "You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning." He removed his shirt and I was very, very glad that I had decided to come to watch the first practice. "Anyone who acts otherwise," he threatened, "will answer to me." He passed the short soldier who had almost punched Ping.

"Ooh," he remarked sarcastically, "tough guy."

"Yao," Shang said drawing a bow and arrow and aiming towards the men. Intelligently, (at least in my opinion), they all took one step backwards leaving only Yao in the arrow's path.

I thought that if Shang punished his men like that there would be no army left, but not wanting to incur the wrath of someone who fired off arrows I didn't say anything.

Just then Captain Shang turned and shot the arrow to the top of what appeared to be a very tall tree trunk with no leaves and no braches.

"Thank you for volunteering," he said cheerfully with a grin, "retrieve the arrow." Yao bowed, not looking happy and muttering under his breath. I was too far away to hear but I was willing to bet that it wasn't something complimentary. Yao stomped over to the base of the very tall pole and prepared to climb.

"One moment," Shang interrupted causing Yao to freeze and then sag, "you seem to be missing something." I agreed, a person would need ice-picks and a harness like thing to climb to the top of that thing. But instead Shang offered Yao what appeared to be two large medals. "This represents discipline," he told everyone giving it to Yao, then letting it drop so that the soldier's right arm sunk down to earth with a thud. "And this," he held up the second medal which he'd put in Yao's other hand, "represents strength."

Yao had an expression that clearly expressed, "Oh crap," before Shang let go and he fell to the ground, causing many of the other soldiers to laugh.

"You need both to reach the arrow."

I laughed as man after man fell to the ground, not one of them getting anywhere near the arrow. It was funny, though I was thrilled that I didn't have to do it myself. Also that none of the men could hear me laughing at them.

The soldier called Ping had just fallen to the ground when I heard a voice speak to my right.

"That's definitely impossible!" I turned, looking for the person who'd said that but the only person I saw was, a red lizard. So really it wasn't a person at all.

"Did you say that?" The lizard froze, and then slowly turned to look over at me. "You did, didn't you?"

"If I said no would you chalk this all up to a hallucination?" the lizard asked. I considered for a moment before answering.

"Yeah," I nodded, "I could do that little red lizard that I'm probably hallucinating due to being overtired."

"That's exactly what's happening," the red lizard told me quickly, "and my name is Mushu, I'm not a lizard, I'm a dragon."

"What ever you need to believe to make you feel better about yourself," I shrugged, "but you know if you were really a dragon then you'd be a lot bigger. I mean I could crush you with my foot." The- whatever he was who wanted to be called Mushu turned to me angrily.

"You know it is not size that makes a dragon-"

"Clearly," I snorted.

"It is inner power and I have enough to burn you to a crisp right here and right now."

"Oh yeah sure," I scoffed, "well go ahead, I'd like to see it." Mushu glared at me for a minute before turning back to watch the men attempting to climb up the giant tree trunk with the heavy weights.

"I just don't feel like it," he said finally.

"Ha!" I shouted. I turned my attention back to the soldiers to hear Shang speak again.

"We've got a long way to go," he muttered. Vaguely in the distance I thought I heard drums beating as Shang collected a bunch of staffs and threw them to the soldiers. Then something astounding happened. Captain Shang opened his mouth and began to sing.

"_Let's get down to business_," he lifted up two pots with his staff throwing them into the air, "_to defeat the Huns!_" Then as they came down he smashed them into a million pieces. Scarily enough the tinkling crashes fit perfectly with the music that I was hearing.

"Hoo-ah!" All the men shouted.

"_Did they send me daughters_," Shang continued to sing, "_when I asked for sons_?" One of the soldiers, Ping I thought, was taking out all of the other soldiers with his staff. Mushu massaged his temple with his hand in an exasperated manner. "_You're the saddest bunch I ever met,_" Shang sang as he literally flipped over the heads of the other men to take away Ping's staff, "_but you can bet before we're through Mister I'll… make a man, _Mushu indignantly went to storm at Shang but a nearby cricket and myself stopped him, "_out of you_!"

"_Do you hear that_?" I asked but to my horror it ended up coming out as a song.

"_Hear what_?" Mushu sang back.

"_Never mind_!" I sang.

Then I realized that we were in a grove of trees. We defiantly hadn't been there before but the music was still playing without a break. Shang was demonstrating to the men out to shoot apples.

Apparently it was important when you were in the army…

"_Tranquil as a forest_," he sang as the soldiers tried and failed to shoot their apples, "_but on fire within_!" Mushu, who was now hiding out on Ping's person, stabbed an apple onto her arrow before shooting it. When Shang noticed he glared at Ping who just grinned sheepishly.

Then we were standing on the edge of a cliff. Either time was moving around on me or I had eaten something that had been full of hallucinogens.

_(The author would like to take this opportunity to assure everyone reading that she is not advocating drug use, thinks it is very wrong, and is not actually having her imaginary character do drugs.)_

"_Once you find your center_," Shang sang as he deflected rocks being hurled at him with a staff while balancing a bucket of water on his head, "_you are sure to win_!" Well I could win at anything too if I could do that.

Ping however was not so lucky and ended up only deflecting one rock and spilling the bucket of water all over himself.

"_You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot and you haven't got a clue_!"

Another scene change and we were all at river while the army fished with their bare hands. I made a mental note to myself not to eat any fish served to me during this war or anytime I was near the army. Especially as I saw Ping pull out what appeared to be a wriggling human foot out of the water.

"_Somehow I'll… make a man… out of YOU_!"

"_I'm never going to catch my breath_," a man who I think was called Chien-Po sang as he attempted to run through a field while people shoot flaming arrows at him. Yao was right behind him.

"_Say goodbye to those who knew me_," he sang as he tripped and ended up with an arrow in his ass. "Ahhh!" for once someone wasn't singing.

"_Boy was I a fool for cutting gym_," Ling sang as he attempted to break rocks with his head.

"_Why the hell would an army sing_?" I asked, (through song), to Mushu as we watched Ping sparing with Shang. Mushu was ignoring me but did comment when Ping fell over where we were sitting.

"_This guy's got him scared to death_!" Then he splashed some cold water onto Ping's face.

"_Hope he doesn't see right through me_," Ping added in an unnaturally high voice.

"_Now I really wish that I knew how to SWIM_!" Chien-Po sang as he attempted to cross a dangerous looking river by only standing on tree trunks emerging vertically from the water.

Then the soldiers were attempting to shoot a replica of Shan-Yu with rockets.

"_Be a man_!" I looked around wildly for what had to be a choir or something but saw no one. Great now there were lots of voices in my head and they had all ganged up to sing.

"_We must be swift as a coursing river_," Shang sang the solo and I wondered how he had gotten in my head.

"_Be a man_!"

"_With all the strength of a great typhoon_!"

"_Be a man_!"

"_With all the strength of a raging fire! Mysterious as the dark side of the moon_!"

"_Shut up now_!" I sang clutching my head and sinking to the ground.

Then, in another time jump, the men were running with weights while Chi Fu and I watched from horse back. The snotty advisor pointed Ping, who was barely able to stand, out to Captain Shang.

"_Time is racing towards us_," the Captain sang as he approached Ping, "_till the Huns arrive_." Ping, exhausted, collapsed to the ground. "_Heed my every order_," Shang continued to sing as he picked up Ping's weight with a disgusted glare, "_and you might survive!_"

Later that night I saw Ping walking through the camp alone. Just then Captain Shang came up to him, leading the soldier's horse.

"_You're unsuited for the rage of war so pack up, go home, you're through! How could I make a man out of you_?" Shang stalked off but if he hadn't he would have noticed the way that Ping was staring at the arrow that the Captain had shot into the pole on the first day of training.

"_What are you going to do_?" I asked/sang to Ping who grinned back at me.

"_Just watch_!" he sang back. Deciding to take his advice I sat down and got comfortable. Ping attached the heavy medals to his wrists and began trying to climb the pole.

"_Be a man_!" The invisible chorus had started singing again. Being of the "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" school of thought I sang with them, though distinctly off pitch. "_We must be swift as the coursing river_!"

Perhaps inspired by my beautiful voice, (or by the hope that if he could get far enough up he wouldn't be able to hear me anymore), Ping actually began to climb the tree as the sun started to rise.

"_Be a man_!" Probably drawn by my singing Chien-Po emerged from his tent, followed by others. "_With all the force of a great typhoon! Be a man_!" Ping slipped down a little but then dragged himself back up. "_With all the strength of a raging fire_," now many of the men were cheering Ping on as he climbed up reaching where the arrow was, "_mysterious as the dark side of the MOOOOON_!"

At that point Shang came out and Ping threw the arrow down to him. Captain Shang stared in shock at Ping who was sitting on top of the giant tree trunk.

The song continued to go on, now with me to make it sound awful. Despite that the men were excelling at every part of their training, and it was obvious that Ping was the best of them. Then the song ended and I was sitting with Mushu and that cricket that was always hanging around with him, watching the men practice with their staffs.

"Is it just me or does singing trigger giant leap forwards in time?" I asked. Mushu and the cricket gave me very odd looks.

"What are you talking about girl?" he asked looking confused. "Time travel? Singing? You're insane!"

"Oh," I finally managed to say, "okay. I'm going to go now." However as I was walking I heard Mushu start to sing.

_"I think she is crazy! I think she's a nut! And she's supposed to make sure our swords chop and cut?"_

I ran as fast as I could from the singing, back to my tent and my "nice and cozy" sleeping bag thing. I lay down, letting sleep take the crazy away.

If just for a little bit.


	3. Plans!

_**Author's Note:**_

_I am so sorry that this has taken so long. I thought that I had posted this weeks ago, but I am notoriously bad/unlucky with computers. I looked at the site yesterday and finally figured out that I had not posted. Anyway, so sorry for the delay._

_Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed!_

**Chapter #3:**

The next night I was taking a nice walk through camp when raised voices caught my attention. Deciding that eavesdropping was not a bad thing I stopped to listen.

"You think your troops are ready to fight?" Chi Fu was asking. Since Shang was the only person around here that I knew had troops I was guessing it was him. "Ha," he continued, "they would not last one minute against the Huns!"

"They completed their training," Shang's voice answered confirming my suspicions. I saw Ping, Mushu, and the cricket nearby, also listening intently.

"Those boys," Chi Fu scoffed, "are no more fit to be soldiers then you are to be captain." I thought this was very unfair, especially based on the difference between the men now and the men when they had first arrived. "Once the general reads my report," the man bragged, "your troops will never see battle." I thought that this sounded sort of like a good thing but obviously I was wrong.

"Oh no you don't," Mushu muttered, "I worked too hard to get Mulan into this war. This guy's messing with my plan!"

"Who's Mulan?" I asked. "I thought you were Ping's pet."

"One," he answered angrily, "I am no one's pet. And two… Mulan is a funny nickname for Ping!"

"I don't get it," I told him, "Mulan is like a girl's name."

"Well that's what makes it funny! Like how you'd call a guy named William, Wilma. Or a guy named Benny, Betty or Steven, Stephanie. Huh?"

"I guess I get it…"

"Sure you do!" Then Mushu shot me a threatening glare. "Now don't you dare tell anyone."

"Okay…" I nodded feeling as if I was missing something.

"We're not finished," Shang thundered from inside the tent.

"Be careful Captain," Chi Fu said icily, "the General may be your father, but **_I_** am the Emperor's Counsel. And oh, by the way, I got that job on my own."

"Yeah, he got that job by being a suck-up," I muttered.

"You're dismissed," Chi Fu said to Shang. A second later Shang stormed out.

"Hey," Ping called as Shang came out of the tent, "I'll hold him and you punch." He laughed but Shang continued to storm away looking very angry. "Or not… For what it's worth," he said, "I think you're a great Captain."

"I saw that," Mushu said angrily to Ping.

"What?"

"You like him don't you?" I thought it was a sort of odd thing to say, all of the men liked Shang, he was a good Captain and a great teacher.

"No," Ping said. Maybe he was still feeling some resentment from when Shang had tried to make him leave the army.

"Yeah right," Mushu said, "sure. Go to your tent!" Ping went off without an argument.

"I think it's time we took this war into our own hands," Mushu whispered to the cricket and I once Ping was out of ear shot. "Maggie," he turned to me, "I have a job for you."

"What is it?" I asked suspiciously.

"Get Chi Fu to go, I don't know, take a bath or something."

"I can do that," I mused, "just let me get one thing." I came back a minute later with a dark sticky sauce that had been served with dinner. Then I walked into Chi Fu's tent.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded standing up.

"You wanted something from the kitchen?" I asked holding the jar of sauce out.

"Of course not," he blustered.

"Well all I know is that someone wanted this brought to this tent," I said pretending to be annoyed, "so whether you wanted it or not, you've got it." And then I tossed it and it "_accidentally_" spilled all over Chi Fu.

"You clumsy woman!" he shrieked, "I'll make you pay!" I turned and ran out of the tent. He didn't follow me out so I returned to where Mushu and the cricket were waiting.

"He'll be out in a second," I told them, "though I'll have to stay out of his sight for a week or so until her forgets about this." Sadly enough I didn't think he was going to forget. On the other hand, he was a reedy wimp so I didn't care that he wouldn't forget. So there, ha!

A few minutes later Chi Fu emerged from his tent all set for a bath in the river. He really looked ridiculous and he even hummed as he wandered away.

"Stand guard," Mushu told me. I sighed and waited outside while he and cricket snuck in. A minute later they came out, holding a piece of paper. "Okay now do you think that you could get Chi Fu to head back this way?" he asked.

"Sure," I shrugged. I wandered to the river. Chi Fu was sitting over by himself while a bunch of the other men were playing nearby. I recognized Ling, Yao, and Chien-Po close to the shore.

"Maggie?!?" Ling said as I came up stepping behind Chien-Po, "you know that us men are trying to bathe here?"

"I have a great idea for a game you guys can play," I told them, "it's called, Get Chi Fu to leave the water. You know splash him, dunk him under water, or make fun of him." The three men exchanged thrilled looks and I walked off.

A minute later a high pitched squeal and the sound of laughing men told me that I had done my job.


	4. Pensions And Barbeque Cravings

_**Author's Note:**_

_Sorry for the delay. I accidentally lent my copy of Mulan to a friend shortly after posting the third chapter. Because of this I am very sorry for any mistakes made in this chapter. As soon as I get my copy back I will be writing a nice long chapter about the battle against the Hun army and Mulan being revealed. Two for the price of one!_

_Anyway until then I'm sorry again for the delays between postings. I'll try to make them less insanely wrong._

_Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed! You guys are the best!_

**Chapter #4:**

"I still don't understand why I have to march with the army," I whined to Shang, "I'm not a soldier." In the distance I could hear the men singing, something about fighting like girls, (or maybe it was for girls it was hard to tell). I could only hope that it would speed this little trek along.

"Maggie," Shang sighed, "it is your job to fix the weapons. One of the most crucial times for that is during a battle. So, no, you may not stay behind somewhere safe. You have to come with us and do your job."

"Look," I whispered frantically, "I may have made my job sound complicated, but that was only because I really needed to get a job. It's actually really simple, I could teach you all to take care of your own weapons real easily."

"Maggie you can not get out of this," Shang growled.

"But if I stayed behind think of all the cost cutting," I argued, "you wouldn't have to pay me my salary, pay for my food, pay for my supplies, or pay my pension for being in the army." Shang looked at me, clearly thinking that I had lost it.

"We were not planning on giving you a pension anyway," he told me. Now it was my turn to stare at him.

"You mean that for all that I've contributed to this country I don't even get a pension?!? How could this be?!? You have to give me a pension!" My voice must have gone shrill and squeaky because everyone around me suddenly grimaced with pain and clutched their ears.

"You'll have to take that up with my father," Shang said as he edged away from me.

"Don't worry," I shouted after him, "because I certainly will!" Just then Ling, Yao, and Chien-Po came over to me.

"We're going to throw snowballs at Ping," Ling told me.

"Want to join?" Yao asked.

"Sure," I said happily. We all got a snowball and hid it behind our backs as we crept over to Ping.

"Be nonchalant," Ling advised, "whistle."

"I- ummm, I can't whistle," I muttered as soft as I could. They just stared at me for a second. Then Ling and Yao collapsed against each other in laughter while Chien-Po just looked over at me confused.

"But everyone can whistle," he argued. Then he demonstrated his own wonderful ability by whistling a tune that sounded suspiciously like the song I'd heard earlier. "See, it's easy."

"Well not for me," I argued.

"Just hum or something," Yao advised me sounding impatient, "now let's go find Ping!"

We found him soon enough. The four of us, being nonchalant through a combination of whistling and humming, got right behind him as we held the snowballs behind our backs. Obviously suspecting nothing, (due to our craftiness), he turned around again and we got ready to hurl our snowballs at him.

That was the moment that we saw the burned out village.

We instantly began to search for survivors. We didn't find any. I had a disturbing craving for barbeque and decided that it would be best not to mention it to anyone.

After a while I began to hear some of the soldiers saying that they had found bodies of soldiers from the army that the General had been commanding. As I moved closer to where the majority of the soldiers ha gathered I began to hear murmurs of "the General" so I moved quickly towards them.

"I need to talk to the General," I announced coming over to where a few people had gathered, "where is he?"

"He's dead," Chien-Po told me solemnly.

"The General is freaking dead?!?" I cried out. "Are you kidding me?!? He was the only one who could give me a pension!"

I would have gone on longer but Chien-Po grabbed me and dragged me away from where Shang was trying to quietly mourn his father's death. I was busy mourning the lost of money from the Emperor.

"This is it," I told Chien-Po, "this is the worst day ever."

How was I to know that an imminent attack from the Hun army was about to prove me wrong?


	5. The Huns Attack!

_**Author's Note:**_

_I got my copy of Mulan back! Yay! So in celebration I wrote this nice, long chapter. I hope that everyone enjoys it! Thank you for all of the reviews from the previous chapter!_

**Chapter #5:**

The march was sad after that, and not only because I was no longer going to get a pension, but because now we were the last hope for China to withstand the onslaught of the Hun army.

Which basically meant that China was doomed.

Oh, and also Shang had lost his father which really sucked for him.

There was no singing this time as we marched along. Though the singing had gotten on my nerves earlier now I sort of missed it. Weird huh? So I decided to try to start singing to raise everyone's spirits a little.

This was **not** appreciated however. I received many odd looks, several recommendations to meet with a therapist, and a command from Shang never to attempt to sing again.

Bored and cold I decided to hang out with Mushu and the little Cricket. Unfortunately they had heard me singing so they began to make fun of me.

"I may be tone death," I snapped annoyed, "but at least I'm not a little lizard."

"I am a **dragon**!" he yelled. The Cricket chirped something at Mushu and he turned furious to the insect. "I can too prove it! Stand back," he motioned with his little arms and Cricket and I moved aside a little bit, "and witness my fierce flames!"

A second later a little spark had come from his mouth…

… and it hit one of the rockets causing it to burst out of the cart, into the air, which exploded right above us.

The men looked at it, gasping. All but Ping who glared back at us. Mushu pointed at the Cricket, who glared at him disgruntled.

"What happened?" Shang demanded sounding furious.

"Umm…" Ping tried to come up with something, but didn't seem able to.

"I was not singing," I told him.

"You gave away our position!" Shang shouted. "Now we're-" He was cut off by an arrow which embedded itself in the thick armor around his shoulder, knocking him right off of his horse. There was the sound of men yelling and all of the sudden a whole rain of arrows was flying at us. Shang pulled the arrow out of his armor with a growl. "Get out of range!" he commanded.

We were all too happy to comply with this. In fact I dashed away from the arrows with a speed even I hadn't guessed I could accomplish. I attempted to keep running, right out of the battle but was stopped by Chien-Po.

I heard a horse begin to freak out and looked back to see that the Huns had progressed to Fire Arrows. One of the arrows had struck the wagon that Ping's horse was pulling, causing the cart to burst into flame.

"Save the cannons!" Shang yelled.

"Save my lunch!" I added, "I left it in there! And there are cookies there!"

The men rushed to comply, to Shang's order. Working as a team to get the cannons out of the wagon. I was hurt to see that nobody bothered to grab my lunch. Ping cut his horse free and rode him safely away from the cart before it blew up completely.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" Mushu yelled as he was thrown through the air, landing near Ping and the horse. "Oh sure," he said to Ping, "save the horse." The he fainted. Ping picked the dragon/lizard up with one hand and ran to join the rest of the army.

Shang had organized the men and they had begun to fire the cannons at the Huns. There were several brilliant explosions and smoke covered the whole mountainside.

"Hold the last cannon," Shang ordered Yao.

"Wait a second," I said looking over at Shang, "we only have one of those cannons left?!?" No one answered me and I felt my jaw drop. "You should not have used so many for practice!"

"This is not helping us Maggie," Shang growled, "so just grab a sword."

"What?!?!?!?!"

"You heard me," he continued, "we're going to need all of the help that we can get."

I was about to argue when the smoke cleared and I saw a single horseman up on the mountain. One guy, ha, we could beat that! Then two other men joined him, and then two more. Well, we could still beat that.

And then several hundred more Huns poked their heads into view. Maybe Shang had had a point about needing help…

"Prepare to fight," Shang said to everyone, "if we die, we die with honor!"

"Do you think being a sniveling coward will excuse me from dying?"

"No," Shang answered me dryly.

"Damn," I cursed pulling out a sword.

And then the Hun army charged, Shan-Yu in the lead. It was terrifying. Actually terrifying is an understatement for what I was feeling. There is not a word anywhere to describe what I was feeling.

"Yao," Shang ordered, "aim the cannon at Shan-Yu." It seemed like a sensible plan.

But apparently it was not a sensible plan to Ping. Before anyone could stop him he had grabbed the cannon and was running towards the Hun army.

"Ping," Shang shouted after him, "come back! Ping!"

"Ping's insane isn't he?" I said to the men I was standing close to.

"Crazier then you," Ling agreed, "and that's saying something." It was an insult, but I was so concerned about my own survival that I didn't care.

Ping stopped and planted the cannon. He was very close to Shan-Yu though, and I considered that maybe Ping wasn't as crazy as he seemed. But then he seemed to be having trouble lighting the cannon.

"He dropped his lighter," Chien-Po observed sounding fearful.

Then Ping grabbed Mushu, who had gone with him, using him to light the cannon.

And then Ping missed Shan-Yu.

"That sucks," I commented.

"We're all going to die!" Yao cried. I agreed with him, nodding.

But when the cannon struck the snow covered mountain something unexpected happened. The cannon caused an avalanche, which began to rumble towards the Hun army, burying them under a ton of snow.

"Well," I grinned, "I guess that'll teach them."

Triumphant Shang, followed by Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po headed out to join Ping. Then all of the sudden they turned around and began to sprint back towards us.

"We might want to start running now," Ling said. I looked back at the avalanche and saw that it was indeed coming right towards us.

"Running is good," I agreed.

Ping's horse ran over to try to help his owner. I saw Ping swing up onto the horse, then reach down to try to help Shang. For a second it looked as if Ping would be able to save Shang, but then there was a wave of snow and Shang fell into the snow.

"Uh guys," I said to Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po, "there's a cliff here. Where should we go?"

"Under this rock," one of the other soldier's called. We rushed to duck under the rock. We made it just in time, and the snow coursed around us like a mighty river.

"We need to help Ping and Shang," I reminded the men. They nodded.

"Get onto my shoulders," Chien-Po said to Ling. Then Yao got onto Ling's shoulders, so that they could see Shang and Ping battling through the snow. "Do you see them?" Chien-Po asked.

"Yes," Yao called back down. He shot an arrow towards where Ping and Shang were. "Perfect," he said more to himself, "now we'll pull them to safe…" I looked and saw that he had let the rope go too long and it had completely gone, "…ty."

The arrow hit it's mark, right next to where Ping on his horse, with Shang draped over the saddle were.

"They're going over the cliff!" I cried. Yao began to blubber.

"I let them slip through my fingers," he cried holding his hands out.

Just then the arrow returned, landing directly in Yao's outstretched hands. A second later he was being pulled towards the cliff.

All of the other soldiers and I hurried to grab onto Yao, hoping to pull him along with Ping, Shang, and the horse, (not to mention Mushu and the Cricket), up. We strained but the rope didn't even budge.

Until Chien-Po calmly walked over. He picked us all up as if we were paper dolls.

"Chien-Po," I said to him, "you are a freak of nature and for that I am grateful."

Ping's horse was able to walk right up onto the snow, while the soldiers and I pulled Ping and Shang to the ground.

"Step back guys," Ling insisted, "give him some air."

"Ping," Shang panted, "you are the craziest man I have ever met. And for that I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust."

"Let's hear it for Ping," Ling cheered, "the bravest of us all!"

"You're king of the mountain!" Yao added.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Chien-Po shouted as he did a little happy dance.

"You may just be crazier then me!" I cried. It was quite a compliment.

Suddenly Ping bent over in pain, clutching his side with a pained cry. He sunk to the ground, breathing heavily and we all stopped cheering, concerned for our friend Ping. Shang seemed the most concerned.

"Ping," he asked bending over him, "what's wrong?" Ping wordlessly held out his hand, which was covered in fresh blood. "He's wounded," Shang cried panicked, "get help!" He turned back to Ping, speaking softly, "Ping, hold on. Hold on."

We spent the entire rest of the day, and even into the night waiting for news on Ping. Shang paced nervously. The doctor came out of the tent and motioned Shang over, speaking to him too softly for me to hear. Shang went at once into the tent. I bit my lip, waiting to hear what was going on. The doctor also spoke to Chi Fu who also burst into the tent.

A second later Shang stalked out, looking furious. I was about to ask what was going on when Chi Fu came out, speaking as he did.

"I knew there was something wrong with you," he said to Ping as he dragged him along, "a woman!" Everyone gasped in shock. I shook my head, unbelieving.

Ping is definitely a boy," I said to Shang and everyone else, "the talking red dragon said so."

For some extremely odd reason they all found this to be proof that I was insane. Go figure.

"Treacherous snake," Chi Fu hissed at Ping, ignoring me.

"My name is Mulan," he/she growled, "I did it to save my father!"

"Not a funny name for Ping," I realized, looking for Mushu.

"High treason!" Chi Fu cried shrilly.

"I didn't mean for it to go this far," Mulan insisted.

"Ultimate dishonor!" Chi Fu yelled into her face.

"It was the only way," Mulan said to Shang, "please believe me!" Chi Fu snorted in response striding over to Shang.

"Captain?" he said. I was confused until Shang reached over and pulled a sword out of it's sheath.

"Oh come on," I said to Shang, "that's got to be a little too harsh!" Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po seemed to agree with me, and then Chi Fu reminded them that it was "The Law" and they stopped. "This is stupid!" I shouted as Shang stood over Mulan.

And then he simply threw the sword down into the snow in front of her.

"A life for a life," he explained coldly, "my debt is repaid." Shang turned to stalk away. "Move out!" he ordered over his shoulder. Chi Fu protested but the Captain snarled at him and he and the rest of the soldiers left with Shang.

They didn't even notice that I'd stayed behind.

And maybe it was just my imagination, but I thought I heard dramatic music playing as they marched away.


	6. You Still Have Maggie!

_**Author's Note:**_

_So I meant for this chapter to be a little longer but I don't have time to finish it now. Maybe later today or tomorrow I'll post another short chapter. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this one! It was sort of difficult to find things for Maggie to say and do during this chapter since it was sort of sentimental. Hope you enjoy it!_

**Chapter #6:**

Once the army had left Mulan did not move. The little Cricket however began to build a fire and the horse put a blanket around her. How a horse knew to do that, I had no idea but it was a neat trick.

Mushu began to look for things to eat. I really liked the way that little talking dragon, (who I now knew was not a figment of my imagination), thought. Crisis Food.

I tried to help him but we didn't find much. This made me sad, because I was hungry. Though even I with my hunger was not as sad as Mulan with her she lied to her friends and now they hated her thing.

Her horse, Khan I thought the name was, and the Cricket snuggled around Mulan, shivering in the cold. I sat down next to her too.

"Don't worry Mulan," I comforted her, patting her arm reassuringly, "you still have me! That has to count for something." She sighed tragically but I was pretty sure that I had helped.

"I was this close," Mushu said as he signified how close he had been with his fingers, "this close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, and entourage." He picked up a broken arrow and I couldn't help but to think of the Hun army with their fire arrows and to wish that they were still here. "Man," Mushu continued sounding a little frustrated, "all my fine work. Pfft!" Mushu sat down next to Mulan and looked up at her. "Hi."

"I should never have left home," Mulan said. It was the first thing she'd said since the army had left, so I was taking it as a good sign.

"Hey come on," Mushu said comfortingly, "you went to save your father's life."

"Was her father kidnapped by aliens?" I asked. That would be exciting.

"No," Mushu snapped at me, "he's old." I sighed, that wasn't exciting at all. "Who knew," Mushu continued talking to Mulan, "you'd end up shaming him, disgracing the ancestors, and loosing all of your friends."

"Except for me," I reminded him. They all ignored me.

"You know, you just gotta, you gotta learn to let these things go." Mushu burst into tears and I stole his food while he was distracted.

"Maybe I didn't go for my father," Mulan spoke almost more to herself then to us, "maybe what I really wanted was to prove I could do things right." Mulan picked up her abandoned helmet and looked at it. "So when I looked in the mirror, I'd see someone worth while." Tears began to run down her cheeks. "But I was wrong," she continued, "I see nothing." Mulan tossed the helmet aside angrily.

"Well that's just because this needs a little spit," Mushu said trying to cheer her up, "that's all." He proceeded to spit on the helmet and polish it. "Let me shine this up for you."

"Maybe the problem is that she needs to look into a real mirror," I suggested.

"That's stupid," Mushu told me as he held the helmet up for Mulan to look in, "this works just fine. I can see you! Look at you! You look so pretty!"

Mulan did not look convinced. Probably she knew that I was right about the mirror. Mushu's grin died on his face as he looked at Mulan.

"The truth is," Mushu confessed to her, "we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me, they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself."

"I didn't risk your life at all," I reminded her. Mushu ignored my interruption of his big, heart warming speech.

"At least you had good intentions," Mushu reassured Mulan.

The little Cricket hopped onto the helmet and chirped, before bursting into noisy cricket tears. I didn't understand him, but Mushu did.

"What?" he exclaimed, "What do you mean you're not lucky?!?" He picked the Cricket up. "You lied to me?" Cricket nodded his head sadly.

"While we're all making confessions," I spoke up, "I might as well add one. I didn't join the army out of patriotic duty. I joined for the pension, which I will never get now."

"And what are you?" Mushu asked angrily turning to Khan. "A sheep?" The horse snorted at him and Mushu groaned, throwing Cricket back into the snow.

"I'll have to face my father sooner or later," Mulan sighed, "let's go home."

"Yeah," Mushu agreed, "this ain't going to be pretty."

"What's the rush?" I asked. "How about the two of us take a world tour, then when we're done you can think about going back home and admitting your failings as a soldier to your father."

"I'm sorry," Mulan said shaking her head, "but I'd rather get this over with, no matter how hard it is."

"But don't you worry," Mushu told her, "okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together, and that's how we'll finish it," they hugged warmly, "I promise."

"Until those ancestors turn you into a pile of red goop on the temple floor," I muttered. It was at that moment that I heard something above me. I looked up to see a falcon flying over us. "Look at the birdie," I told them pointing. It screeched as it flew over the snow where the remnants of the Hun army where scattered.

Then I leapt back in shock as a hand punched it's way through the snow. I cursed and stumbled back another few paces as Shan-Yu himself crawled out of the snow and howled like an angry wounded animal.

A handful of other men joined him and they began to march towards the Imperial City. By this time Mulan, Mushu, and the Cricket had joined me. Mulan reacted by grabbing her discarded sword and jumping onto Khan.

"Uhh, home is that way," Mushu reminded her pointing away from the city.

"I have to do something," she insisted.

"Did you see those Huns?" Mushu asked Mulan incredulously. "They popped out of the snow," he cried waving his arms around, "like daises!"

"Killer daises," I added. The thought of facing killer daisy people was terrifying to me, but apparently not to Mulan who simply turned back to us.

"Are we in this together or not?" she asked. Mushu looked away but a second later the Cricket chirped something to him and he grinned.

"Well, let's go kick some Hun-ny buns! Yee-haw!" he cheered jumping up next to Mulan.

"Oh gosh," I said taking a step back, "it really doesn't look like you'll be needing me on this little adventure."

"Come on Maggie," Mulan called. I sighed and then went to join them on their little insane flower killing mission.

After all, I didn't have anything better to do.


	7. In The Imperial City

_**Author's Note:**_

_Okay, my class ended so I came back and wrote what I wanted to be part of the previous chapter. That is why it's not very long. Anyway, I hope that you like it!_

**Chapter #7:**

We reached the city very quickly. When we got to it there was a huge party going on with parades and everything. Now I know that you're thinking that the party was for my arrival, but it was actually in celebration of the army defeating the Huns. Of course, Mulan, Mushu, and I knew better.

"Wow," I sighed looking up at the sky, "pretty colors." I smile up at the fireworks. I liked fireworks.

"Maggie pay attention," Mulan snapped at me, not at all impressed by the fireworks.

"Who died and made you the General?" I grumbled. Mushu slapped a palm to his head, which I choose to ignore, continuing to talk to Mulan. "You bring down one massive army of Huns and suddenly you think you can boss me around. If it weren't for me you'd be in real trouble. Who would sharpen your sword if I wasn't around?"

"I would sharpen my own sword," she replied, "you showed me how to. It wasn't that hard."

"Oh yeah," I murmured.

"Come on Maggie," she growled rolling her eyes and pulling me with her over to the army, "remember why we're here." I looked at her blankly so she sighed exasperated. "To warn everyone that the Huns are in the city."

"Got it," I told her with a grin.

"Just let me do the talking," she told me as we approached the army. "Shang!" she called out.

"Mulan?" he said as he turned to look at us.

"Hey guys," I waved disregarding Mulan's warning, "good news, Mulan and I didn't die on the mountain!" Some people looked happier at the news then others. "Bad news," I continued, "not all of the Huns died either." Shang and all of the other soldiers looked at me disbelievingly.

"Maggie be quiet," Mulan hissed before addressing the army herself. "The Huns are alive! They're in the city!" But Shang was not even a little willing to listen to what she had to say.

"You don't belong here Mulan," Shang said stubbornly not even looking at her as he rode on, "go home." But Mulan was not that easily sent away and she followed him, every bit as stubborn as he was.

"Shang," she pleaded, "I saw them in the mountains. You have to believe me."

"Why should I?" he practically snarled. Mulan glared at him and rode right in front of Shang, stopping him in his tracks.

"I saw them too," I added trying to help, "not to mention the talking red dragon." Strangely enough he didn't seem that the little red dragon and I were reliable witnesses to back Mulan up.

"Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Ping, why is Mulan any different?"

"Maybe you should do the Ping voice again," I suggested, "that could be what's throwing them off."

But Shang refused to be held up by us any more and he rode stiffly past us. Mulan looked hurt. But this time she did not try to stop him. She did, however, not leave before turning to the other soldiers.

"Keep your eyes open," she warned them, "I know they're here." And with that we rode off.

"What are we going to do now?" I asked her.

"We're going to spilt up," Mulan told me after only a seconds pause, "talk to everybody you can. Try to convince them that the Huns are here and that we are all in danger."

"Wouldn't it be easier just to set something on fire?" I asked. "It would be much easier and it would definitely get people's attention."

"We're trying to save the city from the Huns," Mulan reminded me, "not destroy it for them."

"All right," I gave in, "you're the boss."

The first guy I spoke do didn't believe me. Neither did the second, third, or fourth. I was so frustrated that when a fifth dude refused to believe me I kicked him in the shins.

After that I didn't have too much of an opportunity to try to get people to believe me because I was trying to run away from fifth dude, who did not appreciate getting kicked in the shins. I also couldn't really hear the Emperor's speech very well. Something about China being safe, which I knew was wrong anyway.

Finally just when Shang had begun to talk to the Emperor I caught up with Mulan and Mushu again.

"Sorry," I panted as I caught my breath, "nobody would believe me. Also there's a guy who's trying to kill me so if I suddenly start to run away don't be surprised."

"You have a way with people," Mushu commented sarcastically.

Just then we heard the crowd gasp and a hawk screech.

A very familiar screech…

It was the same hawk from the mountain. It picked the sword Shang had been presenting to the Emperor right from his hands and delivered to Shan-Yu who had been hiding in the shadows on top of a building. People gasped and screamed.

"Bet they'd believe me now," I muttered darkly.

"Where are the other Huns?" Mulan asked, her eyes expertly scanning the crowd and buildings.

Her question was answered when the remainder of the surviving Huns burst out of a dragon that had been in the parade. They knocked Shang aside and dragged the Emperor into the palace. Then they shut and barricaded the doors before Shang and the army could stop them.

"Oh well," I said cheerfully turning to Mulan, Mushu, and Cricket, "we tried. Now let's get out of here! I hear Rome is nice this time of year."

"We're not going anywhere," Mulan said firmly, "we're going to save China."

"I was afraid you'd say that," I sighed.


	8. Saving The Emperor

_**Author's Note:**_

_Oh my god, I can't believe how fast Mulan has gone by. This is the end of the movie! It's a pretty long chapter, but there will be one more. The next one will be the chapter where you find out where Maggie is going next, and I hope that you'll follow this story onto the next night. If not, thank you for reading this story. And thank you, as always, for the reviews. Enjoy the chapter!_

**Chapter #8:**

We ran over to the door, where the army led by Shang were trying to break through the front door. Mulan stopped, surveying the scene critically. I stopped and panted as I tried to catch my breath.

"They'll never reach the Emperor in time," Mulan observed.

"Even if they get through the front door they'd have to fight all of the Huns guarding it," I added shaking my head, "that sucks." Mulan nodded in agreement, with a thoughtful look on her face.

"I've got it!" she exclaimed. "Maggie," Mulan said turning to me, "I need you to get some supplies for me while I round up some people to help us." I smiled, I was needed. "Go to the shop on the corner," she told me pointing over at a small little store. I looked at it, wrinkling my nose in confusion.

"That shop just sells dresses and makeup," I pointed out, "what would we need from there?"

"Dresses obviously," Mulan said as if it were obvious, rolling her eyes at me as she spoke, "get one that fits me, one that will work for you, and ones that will make Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po look like women."

"Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po," I repeated doing a double take, "why would I buy them dresses? They're men, and they look like men. Those three just won't look good in dresses." Personally I thought that they would look downright scary in dresses. I was going to say this but Mulan spoke before I could.

"Just do what I asked you to do," Mulan growled sounding frustrated, "honestly Maggie. I told you already, I have a plan. I'll explain everything when you get back and once I get Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po to agree to help."

"Fine," I sighed loudly, "come on Mushu," I said to the little dragon, "you can help me. I don't know anything about shopping for dresses to put on men."

"And what makes you think I'll know anything about that?" Mushu asked looking a little insulted.

"I don't care which of you pick the dresses out," Mulan shouted at us, "just get moving we don't have a lot of time."

Grumbling Mushu and I made our way over to the store, the Cricket hopping along after us. The door was open and we walked right in. There was a man in the back of the shop. His back was to us and he was bent over something.

"Hey," I said in greeting as we came in. The man turned around.

And when I saw his face I felt my mouth drop open in shock. It was the same guy that I had kicked in the shin, the man who was trying to kill me. It took the man a second longer to recognize me.

"You!" he roared when he saw me. He took a step towards me, definitely threatening. "I am going to kill you!"

"Friend of yours?" Mushu asked as I took a step backwards towards the door.

"Something like that," I told him.

"Okay then," Mushu whispered to me so that the store owner who seemed very intent on doing bodily harm to me couldn't here, "if you distract tubby here then me and Cricket will take care of picking up the dresses and makeup."

"Maybe we could switch jobs," I suggested. The store owner roared again and ran at me. "Ahhhhhhhhh!" I cried as I took off, back towards the crowds.

"Good luck," I heard Mushu yelling after me, "try not to get beaten up too badly!"

"I hate you!" I shouted back at him. I couldn't tell if he had heard me though because I was too busy running for my life to stick around for his answer.

When I had finally gotten away from the crazy man I made my way back to the palace. There I found that Mulan had already dressed up Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po as women. I wasn't quite sure why. I was also sort of surprised at how good Mulan was with make-up.

Not that it helped Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po much, there was nothing that could help them.

"How do we look?" Chien-Po asked as I came over.

"Umm…"

"We look good right?" Ling asked.

"That's what I was just about to say," I lied. "So what exactly is the plan?" All four of them looked over at me in disbelief. Mushu sighed and slapped a hand to his forehead.

"Isn't it obvious?" Mulan asked. "We're going to sneak past the Hun army to save the emperor." Mulan held up her sash. "Come on guys, we're running out of time. Let's go save China."

The four of them all prepared to use their sashes to climb into the palace. They all smiled at each other.

"Looks like fun," I grinned as I got a sash of my own out of the pile of stolen clothes, "I'm coming too!"

But my decision to join was overshadowed by Shang coming over to join us. For some reason a captain in the army seemed more helpful to them then a coward who fixed weapons. I was a little insulted.

Also the voices in my head were singing again.

We got into the palace and then snuck through it until we reached the place where they were holding the emperor. Shang was waiting so that us "girls" could take out the guards and clear the way.

"Okay," Mulan said to Yao, Ling, Chien-Po, and I, "any questions?"

"Does this dress make me look fat?" Yao asked. Mulan slapped Yao with a glare. "Ow!" he cried. I laughed but Yao glared at me and I turned it into a cough. He didn't look fooled.

"Remember to giggle," Mulan hissed.

We all giggled as we made our way to the door. It was guarded by five men, all of them looked as if their muscles could burst through their skin and walk around on their own. I know, it's a pretty weird observation but that's what they looked like.

"Who's there?" one of them grunted as the five of us giggled and approached.

"Concubines," one of them mumbled pushing his friend's sword down.

"Ugly concubines," his friend added. Maybe they weren't as stupid as they looked. We all continued to giggle, and it was beginning to give me a headache. The one guard waved at us with a goofy grin. Okay, he really was an idiot.

Suddenly one of the apples that Ling had been using to give himself feminine features fell out of his dress and rolled towards the guards. Ling turned and fanned himself trying to keep them from noticing.

The really dumb Hun bent down and picked the apple up, handing it back to Ling. I rolled my eyes. Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po all took out the fruit stuffed down their dresses with malicious grins.

Chien-Po took out two of the biggest guards by stuffing the watermelons over their heads and then smashing them together. They sank right to the ground. Ling stuffed his remaining apple into another guards mouth, kicked the guy in the stomach, and then smashed his head into the Hun as he tried to get back up. Yao dodged the fists of another Hun and then threw him to the ground. Mulan kicked the bow and arrow out of the hands of the last Hun and in a flash had him on the ground.

"Shang go!" she shouted. Shang charged right out.

"Way to go guys," I applauded clapping my hands together, "I guess that training really paid off."

"How exactly are you helping?" Yao asked.

"I'm your back up," I snapped.

"You're not doing a great job," he observed.

"You know that dress does make you look fat," I told him with narrowed eyes.

"Come on," Ling called to us, "we're going to miss all of the action!"

Led by Mulan we all went the same way that Shang had gone. By the time that we arrived on the balcony Shang and Shan-Yu were going at it. Mulan assessed the situation in a moment.

"Chien-Po," Mulan ordered, "get the emperor!" Chien-Po turned to the emperor with a bow.

"Sorry your majesty." Then he picked the emperor right up and carried him to the edge of the balcony. Then, using a rope holding up a string of Chinese lanterns, Chien-Po slid down to safety still carrying the emperor. He was followed by Ling and Yao.

"Nooo!" Shan-Yu shouted angrily from the ground where Shang was holding him down. People in the crowd below had practically the most opposite reaction possible by cheering enthusiastically. Enraged Shan-Yu easily dispatched Shang who fell to the ground unconscious. On top of that the leader of the Hun army threw Shang across the balcony.

He was quite upset.

Shan-Yu began to advance on Mulan practically huffing and puffing in anger. It would have been funny if I hadn't been standing right there.

Mulan reacted by using the nearby sword of Shan-Yu to cut the rope that I had been hoping to use to slide to safety down so that now Mulan, Shang, and I were trapped on the balcony with a pissed off Shan-Yu. I had a very bad feeling.

"No! No! ARRRHHHHHH!"

"What were you thinking?" I shouted at Mulan. "I'm still up here! What about me?!?"

"We have to protect the emperor," Mulan insisted. She went over to Shang and leaned over him as he began to stir.

"But what about me?!?"

Everyone, even Shan-Yu ignored me.

"You," Shan-Yu growled as he approached Shang and picked him up, "you took away my victory!" He prepared to stab Shang through with his sword but was distracted by Mulan's shoe hitting him in the head.

"No," Mulan contradicted him, "I did!" To illustrate her point she pulled her hair back as it had when she had been pretending to be a male soldier.

"The soldier from the mountains," he gasped in surprise. Then he went from surprised to murderous in two seconds. He took a step in Mulan's direction.

"Well you've saved Shang," I told her, "now what?"

"Now I run and you and Shang get out of here," she answered me. Then she started the first part of her plan by running away.

"I love this plan," I shouted after her as Shan-Yu chased her away, "good luck with your part!"

"Mulan," Shang murmured groggily as he stood up.

"She's taking care of everything," I assured him, "now come on we are getting out of here."

"But Mulan-"

"Your girlfriend will be fine," I groaned, "now let's go."

"She's not my girlfriend," he protested. I took advantage of this by shepherding him out the door.

"Of course not," I sighed, "time to run now."

And so we ran, Shang finally seeming to shake off the several head injuries he had sustained and me still pretty fresh as I hadn't really done anything. We were just getting out of the palace when we heard explosions and smelled smoke behind us.

We looked back to see that the palace where the Emperor of China lived was exploding and catching on fire, literally.

"Must be part of Mulan's plan," I murmered.

"I suppose we should keep running," Shang observed.

"Good idea," I agreed.

We ran down the stairs. We were about half way down when something fell out of the sky and hit Shang. I stopped and turned to look and saw Mulan and Shang on the ground. A second later Mushu fell laughing to the ground, bouncing a little bit as he laughed hysterically. He held out his hand and caught the cricket.

"You are a lucky bug," he told the little purple insect.

The crowd cheered, probably at the pretty fireworks.

"I'm alive, the people have fireworks, I'm alive, the emperor is alive, I'm alive, China has been saved once more, I'm alive, the cricket has indeed been proclaimed lucky and I'm alive," I grinned, "everyone wins and everyone is happy."

"That was a deliberate attack on my life," the thin reedy voice of Chi Fu reached us.

"Okay," I sighed, "maybe not everyone."

"Where is she?" he demanded stalking towards the small group of soldiers clustered around Mulan. "Now she's done it, what a mess! Stand aside," he told the much taller Shang, "that creature's not worth protecting."

"She's a hero," Shang argued.

"Tis a woman," Chi Fu argued. As if that made any sense. "She'll never be worth anything."

"Listen you pompous-" Shang began holding Chi Fu by the neck of his robes.

"That is enough," the emperor's voice interrupted the threatening beating up of Chi Fu we were all looking forward to.

"Your majesty I can explain," Shang told him. Wordlessly the emperor silenced him and then motioned Shang, Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po to step aside. Mulan stepped forward and bowed low to him.

"I've heard a great deal about you Fa Mulan," the emperor said. I wondered if he'd head about me. I thought he probably had. "You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese army, destroyed my palace…"

"That is quite an impressive record," I commented, impressed to Mushu.

"… and you have saved us all."

And then the Emperor, (yes the freaking Emperor of China), bowed to Mulan.

Chi Fu actually prostrated himself on the ground when he saw. Shang, Yao, Ling, Chien-Po, and I all bowed as well. Then, in a wave, the whole crowd bowed to Mulan as well. Mulan looked shocked as she looked out at them all.

"Chi Fu?" the emperor said as he straighten up.

"Your Excellency?" Chi Fu asked stepping forward.

"See to it that this woman is made a member of my council," he ordered.

"What?!?" he explained. After a second he seemed to regain his composure. "But there are no more council positions open, Your Majesty." Chi Fu looked smug and pleased with himself.

"Very well," the emperor turned to Mulan, "you can have his job."

Chi Fu muttered vaguely before fainting to the ground. The emperor didn't even blink as he watched Chi Fu faint. I, on the other hand, outright laughed.

"Kick him while he's down," I hissed at Shang, "come on it'll be fun." He responded merely by glaring at me.

"With all due respect your Excellency," Mulan was saying, "I think I've been away from home long enough."

"Then," he reached up and removed a medallion from around his neck, "take this." He presented it to Mulan, placing it around her neck. "So your family will know what you have done for me. And this," he handed her the sword of Shan-Yu, "so the world will know what you have done for China."

Mulan hugged the emperor tightly and he chuckled a little. It was really the first emotion I had seen him show this whole time.

"Is she allowed to do that?" Yao asked. We all shrugged in response.

"She just saved China," I reminded him, "I think she could get away with pretty much anything right now." Mulan finished hugging the emperor and turned to all of us. "Come on," I said to her, "we should get hugs too!" Ling, Yao, and I hugged Mulan together. Chein-Po joined us, lifting all of us off of the ground.

Then Mulan approached Shang. They had a predictably awkward "I like you but am too shy to say anything" exchange. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"For once I think I know something before someone else," I commented.

"What are you talking about?" Yao asked.

"Never mind," I told him not feeling like explaining it.

Mulan's horse trotted over and she mounted him easily.

"Khan," she said to him, "let's go home." He neighed in agreement and they galloped away, heading home while the crowd cheered. The emperor walked over to Shang while the captain watched Mulan leave sadly.

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all," the emperor told the dense captain. I didn't get it, and neither did Shang.

"Sir?"

"You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty," he explained.

"Will you look at that," I said picking something up off the ground, "Mulan left her helmet behind." I tossed it to Shang. "Maybe you should bring it to her."

"Maybe I will," he mused with a smile.

"That's the spirit," I cheered. I turned to the emperor who was putting his hat back on. "Hey since Mulan didn't want that council job thing maybe I could have it. Do you think that's okay?"

"You were involved with defeating the Huns and saving China?" he asked.

"I was there the whole time," I assured him. No need to go into details of my "important" part in the defeating and saving.

"I don't suppose it would be a problem," the emperor told me.

"Great," I said enthusiastically, "and I already know the first thing I want to talk to you about. Pensions."

It was then that I woke up.


	9. It's A Plan but it's not very good

_**Author's Note:**_

_Wow! This is the shortest W.Y.B.A.TV story yet. Thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter! Hope that you liked the story!_

**Chapter #9:**

I sat up and looked around my room. Light was just beginning to come in through the windows. It was an hour before my alarm clock would go off and I'd have to get up for school.

"I can't do this again," I muttered, even though no one could hear me. I thought for a whole hour and, finally, my as my alarm clock went off a thought struck me. I turned off the alarm and spoke into the silence, "I have a plan!"

My day was strangely normal. Not one weird thing happened. I went through the whole day in a great mood. It seemed so simple now that I'd thought of it, no more punishment…

… and all I had to do was never sleep again.

All day I kept having the overwhelming desire to laugh at my victory over Philo Farnsworth, causing people to ask what was so funny. I answered them, "I'm not asleep right now." This prompted those questioners to back away, obviously in awe of my genius. And I couldn't blame them, I was impressed with myself as well.

At last night rolled around. As the rest of my family went to bed I stayed up, refusing to go to sleep. It was then that I noticed the a flaw in my plan: It was past midnight and I was very tired.

Determined not to let a little thing like the body's need to sleep defeat me I went down to the kitchen to see what had caffeine in it. I was still sitting on the kitchen counter at three o'clock in the morning when my twin brother came downstairs.

"Umm… Maggie?"

"Yes Michael?" I answered looking over at my twin brother, already having a pretty good ideas about exactly what he was going to ask. Sure enough, he did.

"Why are you drinking a half gallon of caffeinated soda at three o'clock in the morning?" I took another swig, holding the large bottle with two hands.

"You don't want to know," I told him before taking another drink. "Will eating a package of Oreos keep me awake?" I asked him. Michael gave me a very strange look but didn't answer. "Well? Will it?" I demanded.

"At the very least it'll make you really sick," he told me.

"Oh goody," I cheered pulling a steak knife out of its holder and slicing open the package of cookies. "Mmm…" I mumbled as I crammed two into my mouth. Michael rolled his eyes and filled a mug with water and stuck it into the microwave, preparing a cup of tea for himself.

"Maggie," he said after a few minutes of silence, "why are you trying to stay awake?"

"I told you," I said through a full mouth, "you don't want to know."

Luckily Michael contented himself with a simple eye roll and didn't push me for the details on my new desire not to sleep. My twin simply took his tea up to his room, leaving me to finish the Oreos by myself.

School that day was very hard. Despite all of my efforts I was tired and having trouble staying awake. My friends had noticed and I had tried my best to downplay it. I was guessing that they wouldn't react well to the truth.

I was guessing, however, that my teachers already knew the truth and that was why they were making class so boring.

"And so that's why you can learn a lot about being a good person through my experiences at the beach," my least favorite teacher rambled on, "you must understand that it takes a person of high moral standards, like me, to properly-"

"I can't take it anymore!" I yelled throwing my book across the room and pushing my desk over. "Nobody cares so will you **please** shut up!"

And that's how I got sent to see the friendly school counselor.

"So," I was explaining to the school counselor, "I told myself that getting back into the swing of things would be no bid deal, just like riding a bike. And then I remembered something."

"What did you remember?" She prompted leaning in to look at me intently using the patented therapist's voice. The, I'm speaking slowly and softly because if I raise my voice even a little but then you're going to freak out and kill me voice. I ignored the voice as I continued to explain myself.

"I never learned how to ride a bike!"

The school consoler looked at me concerned as she jotted something down on her clipboard. I was hoping that it was complimentary but based on the expression on her face I was willing to bet that it wasn't.

"And you've been not allowing yourself to sleep because you are depressed because you never learned to ride a bike?" she asked looking over at me, still using the voice. I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes, honestly people can be dense.

"You haven't been listening to me at all," I shouted, "I am not allowing myself to sleep because once I fall asleep I'll get trapped inside a movie by the inventor of television!"

Yep, that would probably make her think that I was sane again.

The consoler just stared at me. I was guessing that she was pretty stunned. I was busy feeling pleased with myself for finally getting through to her. Then she picked up the phone and pressed a button.

"I'd like to speak to Dr. Hanso," she said. I grinned, after all Dr. Hanso was probably somebody who had done battle with Philo Farnsworth before and knew exactly how to defeat him.

Finally someone was taking me seriously!

An hour later it became apparent to me that these people were not taking me seriously at all. Dr. Hanso arrived and the first thing that she did was to give me a pill to take. Once I had she suggested that I lie down in the infirmary until me parents arrived.

As it turned out however the pill that the doctor had given me was a sleeping pill.

"Why won't anyone believe me?!?" I asked Philo Farnsworth as he appeared next to me.

"I'm sure you're a very persuasive person," the gloating man told me, "but you'll still find it next to impossible to convince anyone that what you are talking about is true. You're better just shutting your mouth and accepting your punishment."

"So what movie is it this time?" I asked.

"National Treasure," the ghost/hallucination told me with his usual evil grin, "you are a recently fired FBI agent."

"Sounds fun," I growled at him.

"Maybe not for you," he replied, "but it's a lot of fun for me!"

_**Author's Note:**_

_Yep, the next movie is National Treasure. Hope that you like it. If you haven't seen it it's a pretty fun movie, (if you ignore the improbability of it). Like always I'll try to have the next story up pretty soon, but don't kill me if things come up and it takes me longer then I thought. Thanks again for reading!_


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